Iwan Kemp 的个人资料I am Iwan照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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11月12日 I am an AfricanOur nights are filled with the light of the same moon,
we share the comfort of the same stars. Our days are bright with the light of the same sun. We all sink or swin in the same ocean, break our skin and we will bleed our minutes pass with the same motion, we face the same danger, we share the same needs, we're all the same, you and me 1月8日 Jack Handy QuotesI love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.
One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, hows it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?"
Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you. If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down."
He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door.
It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was going to fight in another fight, away from the first fight.
Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies? One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now.
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back. 9月18日 Am I getting married?Not that I know off, that is! Let me start at the beginning. While we were on tour in Europe I received an email from a girl saying that she was on her way to my city and would if we could visit. Now, with the internet and all, I assumed we chat somewhere via email or that she was a supporter of our band who got our email ad somewhere. She did after all email the band's email ad. So I replied asking who she was, who in the band it is that she's looking for and where she is from. THEN...I receive this email from her:
"Hello my friend
I am so happy to see that you have decided to reply,I see it is very short letter.It is all right because you are astonished to get my letter. I want you to know that I have only good intentions and I have not any secrets. The thing is that I will work in your country for three months or so and I would like to meet a nice man to fall in love or just be closest friends. I don't want to live in Russia because I have not any chances here,it is hardly possible to explain from first time but I want you to know my plans.I will work in any shop, bar or restaurant the agency that i am going through will suggest me some locations. It will be my choice in the end as to what option to go for. So I will have a simple work till I improve my English. And I can choose any town of your area,agency will only help me to get a visa and all travel documents + some suggested placed to work in. My best friend last year met the man from the USA when she worked there for three months, too. She had two jobs. From morning till 4 pm she worked in amusement park and after it she worked as a waitress in some bar till midnight. She was very tired of course but made very good money there. It is special programm for young people who wants to work abroad and I think it is the right way for me ,I am lost here,and I think that I look pretty enough to find a better place .I want to repeat the same way,it is only my chance to meet a nice man.I want to work in USA or in Europe or any nice country. I am full of plans and different dreams and I want to share my life with good man because I'm also full of love and tenderness,I know that I am not so beautiful like Hollywood Princess but I do hope to meet my Prince and I am sure he will be not be disappoined to meet me in the real life! This is why I am going to go through the same way. Well,I will close this letter and I do hope to get your reply. I will leave russia in two weeks or so (I can't tell you everything exactly right now) and I would like to be sure that I have the man who waits for me there. I will work all day and I want to find a man to spend all free time together to get to know each other better.if you have any interest to meet me I will be more than happy to meet you too. I will tell you all details about me and my life if you like my pictures and want to meet me! please send picture of you too!!! Now I write you from my personal mailbox, please write me back here and here only. I will be checking it often. Kiss you ,Tatjana (this is my name)!" What a freaking joke! Some internet research show that this happens quite often and that these girls are part of a scam. What happens is they hook up with guys (mostly in the States) then tell them they are on their way when the guy shows interest. Then he receives an email saying she is stuck on the airport in need of x amount of money for a ticket...AND THE IDIOTS GIVE THEM THE MONEY!
Ai! Thanks, Tatjana, but I think I'll pass! Anyone else looking for a Russian bride full of love and tenderness, here's her email ad: posh@greatmailservice.com. Enjoy! |
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